Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
