fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
