he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
