We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
