everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
