please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
