You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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