hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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