i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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