you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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