Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
