so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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