I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
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Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
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All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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