He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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