Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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