Sry I called you an 8
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She announced her abortion via fbk
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
