I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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