I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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