It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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