Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
