i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
