your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
