I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
