We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Sext me about skeletons
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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