It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize