Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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