I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
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She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
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Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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