I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
