If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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