You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
