I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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