So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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