I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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