He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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