just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
