Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
