If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
