For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Sorry about my life...
Randomize