I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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