Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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