I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize