so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
