Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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