So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize