I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
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If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
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Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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