ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
