Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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