Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
