Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
