Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i came on her dog
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
This is classic penis vs brain.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
