Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Randomize
