omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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