Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
