Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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