ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
