She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
