so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
