On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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