all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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