Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
